lesson 2.1

lesson.

did not suck as much as I anticipated.

Yet I still emerged feeling like crawling in a corner and crying.

I just don't understand...

why berate me for writing my own libretto? Did it suck that bad? If it did, why couldn't you just say so? Why confuse me by saying most composers suck at writing librettos, then seem fine with mine?

For that matter, why be ok with ANYTHING I do or bring in, only to surprise me come grading time? And for that matter, why not be consistent? If 6 minutes of music is good for one student, why isn't it good enough for me? Frankly, I think that's damn good, I tend to write very slow. And I'm not ashamed of those pieces. I think I'm ashamed of that piano trio...

it just makes me...sad.

Seeing Sir Peter Maxwell Davies

Wow.

While I knew NEC was going to be cool, I wasn't necessarily expecting being able to sit in a masterclass with world class composers. Tonight I was able to see Sir Peter Maxwell Davies. I knew his name, but not much of his music (as in, they announced he was doing a master class, and I went to listen to stuff we had, which truthfully wasn't much). I have stuff of his colleague, Sir Harrison Birtwhistle, and still, not so much.

Anyhow, poor guy came straight from the airport, more or less, but was definitely alert and totally with it (way more so than I'd be jet lagged). And he had a wonderful British accent. But better still was what he said. He shared stories, wonderfully absurd stories of requesting pretty much every major ensemble in the entire British Empire for a piece while he was the Queen's composer, or whatever the title was, and how he magically seemed to fall into so many wonderful opportunities. He shared his thoughts and ideas and insights, but was so very humble and down to earth.

He seems like he'd be a wonderful man to study with, if he even still teaches. I have half a mind to apply for a Fulbright or whatever to go study with the guy. He's a world class composer, but seems like he'd be a fantastic educator as well.

I'm going to a concert of his stuff tomorrow, performed by the prep school here, along with a piece by a prep student. How amazing would that be, to have a piece on an all Peter Maxwell Davies concert? I'm just a bit envious =) And a little starstruck, apparently.

stuck...stuck?...STUCK!!!

Oh blog, it's been far far too long. I intended to write in here so many times, but never did find the time.

And, sadly, the only reason I have time now is because I am stuck. And worse than being stuck mid-piece (which is completely typical of me), I am stuck on a blank page. I usually have strong beginnings (or at least what turn out to be strong beginnings), that this being stuck with nothing to work with is really throwing me for a loop.

I suppose that is not entirely true. I'm not necessarily stuck with a blank page. But of the three possibilities I have going now, I'm not really fond of any of them.

The first is clearly inspired by "Bloom" from Memo Flora by Yoshimatsu. I've had it running through my head for weeks, it was bound to show up somewhere eventually.

The second is picking up an orchestra sketch I began a year and a half ago. It's not that I don't feel that music is me anymore, it's just not what I'm in the mood to write right now. And that piece has been stuck for quite a while.

The third is tackling my current obsession with musical borrowing/recomposition/whatever and taking some music I love (definitely guilty pleasure sort of music) and trying really really hard to not just write what it already is, but write something new. The problem with this is, while it sounds good, I almost always end up WAY too close to the source material, I already wrote a short piano piece based on a Debussy prelude, so why do this same kind of thing again, and I don't have anything more than vague ideas right now.

And I want to come into lesson tomorrow with some concrete stuff, especially so as I don't look quite as lame asking about my grade for last semester...

premieres and moving

It's been a while, I had started several blog entries post-premieres, but it just didn't feel right. I still haven't relistened to the orchestra premiere, mostly because we've been busy getting ready for the move out to Boston. And things have been hectic around here trying to get ready for that.

The Orchestre dB premiere went pretty well, considering the rewrites and players and everything. Not quite sure how I feel about the piece, I don't think it sucks, nor do I really think it's the shining star of my portfolio. But, it was good to write a work for guitar, and it felt like a nice closure to working with Hdez the past few years.

The orchestra premiere I think went a little better, if only because the piece was a bit more in a state of completeness (whereas Didaskalos will eventually go through some changes based on the performance and the solo stuff Hdez reworked). There were mistakes, of course, and I think I've finally realized that I will probably never have that perfect performance (which makes me wonder what composers think of their stuff that's out on cds and whatnot). I was pleased, I felt that the essence of the piece was pretty well communicated to the audience, and it also seemed to be well received. Not that I've ever had anyone boo or walk out on a performance, but I did get more that just "lovely piece" kinds of comments. Maybe NOW some people will consider programming my stuff and realize I've grown as a composer =) I did have to make some last minute changes (seriously last minute, as in, as we were taking the stage last minute) that, while needed to be done for this group and players, is not something I'd change overall (though I will switch some parts between like instruments due to range constraints that was pointed out to me to work better, but you know, oboes are just going to have to learn to play the low notes. Saxophonists do it, and my impression is it's not that much more difficult for oboe. perhaps I'm wrong on that, but I still don't think I"m being unreasonable).

The last orchestra rehearsal was spent reading orchestration assignments, and I was fortunate enough to have mine from several years ago played as well. I was surprised at how little I'd have changed it now, and the only changes I made to it were to reorchestrate parts for instruments unavailable to us (as I took it when CSUEB was sans orchestra, and was thus allowed to use all sorts of extra instruments, like contrabassoon and english horn). And it made me realize all my bitching when I first was working on my orchestra piece was really stupid, because I DID have the ability all along (yes, Hdez, once again, you were right), and it would have been nice to really know that by hearing my orchestration back when I wrote it, though I'm glad that the students now, at least, have that opportunity. And maybe it's for the best, maybe I would have been all cocky and whatnot (somehow, though, I doubt it).

I really haven't been composing lately, not that I haven't been thinking, just nothing much on paper. I'm spending the time trying to go through our stuff and get rid of the things we don't need to take with us. I'll certainly get around to it once we get settled, but until then, I don't see much other than thinking about stuff happening.

We did get a place, a sort of mini townhouse in the Brookline area, it's a bit of a commute for me, but I'm ok with that, I won't be driving, so I can use that time to read or listen or whatever. Doesn't seem like it'll be so bad, I've made similar commutes before, and that was actually driving, so surely this will be better. I'm excited to be moving and FINALLY getting a start on grad school, but also a bit sad to be leaving everyone and everything I know behind. I'll be a bit homesick at first, I'm sure, but once I start school, I'm sure it will get better. And when Dan finds a job too, that's a little nerve wracking for us. It's hard to believe we're moving in two weeks, it's hard for me to believe this is really happening after 3 years of rejection (ok, so the first one doesn't really count, whatever), it just seems unreal. wow.

Copywrong

So, about that "recomposing" thing. I started sketching, and after some looking into copyright laws and fair use and other law-talk gobbledygook, I've come to the realization that my sketches are WAY too close to the original and this is going to be way harder than I anticipated if I want to avoid asking for permission (which I would rather). And may quite possibly be put on hold in favor of finishing the band piece.

I realize the importance of protecting works, but it really would be helpful if things were more clear. Actually have a definition of "fair use" for example, rather than it pretty much being contingent on how good your lawyer is if the original holder finds out and takes action. Or clear definitions on what is and isn't under copyright. And enough with the keeping things under copyright forever (coughMickeycough), I'll NEVER get to use some of Kahlil Gibran's works this way.

I think maybe for now I'll stick to the really old stuff that is most certainly in public domain. which frankly doesn't excite me much.

overlooked. AGAIN.

Ok, two blogs in one day, though this one is just angry venting so I don't actually start yelling at people and punching them in the face. I really would like to hit something now.

SO ANGRY!

So I didn't even think to check, until I got an email today, about the orchestra concert in June. The email included the program, even included soloists names and such, BUT DIDN'T HAVE MY PIECE. No mention of it whatsoever, even though it's been on the program for a year, way before the other pieces were programmed (least, to my knowledge). I'm pretty sure it was an oversight and just a mistake, but it still makes me mad. Because I feel shafted by the whole Glasow thing, and this, and I've had enough. I feel like I've done a lot for that place and just feel a little unrecognized right now. And angry.

And like I can't wait to be at NEC. Maybe it will be different there.

recomposing

Blog, it's been a month, in which I can't say a whole lot has happened. I had three movements of my band piece read, which remain the only three movements completed. The band director at the high school I went to is interested in it, which is certainly good. Otherwise, I do have a couple of performances coming up, my piece for Orcheste dB, CSUEB's new music ensemble entitled "Didaskalos" will be performed on their concert May 28 at 7:30, and the CSUEB orchestra is playing "After the Rain" on June 4 at 7:30, both in MB1055 at CSUEB, I believe. I encourage anyone who actually reads this to come. These performances are good for me, as I haven't had anything performed since....crap, since July. That's pretty pathetic, actually.

As is the fact that I haven't really been writing since I finished Didaskalos and what I've done of the band arrangement, though I've been toying with some ideas in my head for a while now. I'm kind of fascinated with the idea of taking someone else's music and sort of recomposing it to make it your own. I mean, in a sense, I suppose you could say that's what I did with Didaskalos, except that the original material was mine, and perhaps a bit lame. Not like the band piece, that really is just an arrangement, it's too close to the original, and so if I decide to do something with material that's not mine, it has to be much further removed from the original. I've always liked quotes in music, I laugh whenever I hear one, and that has always made some pieces more enjoyable to me. Heck, I've even discovered pieces because they were quoted in another. So taking a piece and recomposing it in your own way (because I really can't think of a better term for what I'm trying to describe) is really just quoting in a big, less-obvious way, right? So I'm thinking about that, in perhaps a string orchestra setting. I'm not ready yet to disclose the source material...and maybe I shouldn't really. Who needs to know it was originally something else other than me? That and I'm not yet sure if this is just one of my ideas that never comes to fruition or not (because I've had a LOT of those). So for now, I think and will probably start sketching today. and listen to my source material.